Suzie's Trauma

Dissociative Identity Disorder develops when trauma occurs and the Host is unable to comprehend and recover. In addition, there may not be a compassionate caregiver to help the Host recover and prevent additional abuse. In Suzie's case the trauma was significant and she had no one to go for help.

Imagine the DID mind, the Dark is where all the Parts are reliving the trauma while trying to protect the Host and also punish. In Suzie's case, the Parts vary in age from infant to late teens, they also vary in personality types, some are bullies and some are victims, just like life itself. They wander in the dark and form small cooperative groups. Once the therapist has diagnosed DID the work begins to communicate with the Parts. Once a level of trust is established the goal is to reveal the traumatic memory. At revelation, the Part is shocked, goes into denial and disbelief, finally acceptance and healing can begin. The Host experiences the same process.

Suzie Q was the first to present herself to the therapist, with compassion C was able to learn Q's memory. Later, I would learn from Suzie the double horror of her life. Suzie's trauma was repeated rape by her father. In addition, her mother was willing to ignore all the signs her baby daughter was being abused. Suzie had no way to learn this is not how parents love and take care of their children. Suzie thought this abuse was love. Father rape started as an infant until age 12.

To survive this horror and to help the Host survive, the brain capsulized the trauma. Each Part retained at least one memory and developed a method to try to repeal future abuse. Suzie Q's coping mechanism was to be a lovable precocious creative clown. Her logic was who could purposely hurt such a child? Well who the hell indeed?

Background: Who we are...our challanges

I am a 60 year old Lesbian professional sales rep right here in River City. I married Suzie in July 2000. Suzie was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in 2002, she has 20 some individual parts. She also also deals with sleep apnea, narcolepsy, migraines, pseudo tumor cerebri (a different kind of headache), disabling hip arthritis, post traumatic stress disorder, medical induced high blood pressure and diabetes.

Dad passed in 2000 and shortly after Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. She also deals with crippling rheumatoid arthritis in her hands and feet, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and heart arrhythmia. Since 2000 she has been hospitalized three times. Once for arrhythmia for which she received a pace maker Once for breast lump removal, benign, yea! The last time for internal bleeding caused by uncontrolled blood thinner medication. She bumped her arm and it became swollen and turned black from fingers to her neck. Mom is now 84 and living in a long term care facility. Right now she can take care of herself and has an apartment.

Me, I'm 60 this last December, and work for an insurance company. I realized I was different as early as grade school, but could not define it. I started reading everything I could get my hands on looking for someone who felt the same way. I read Buck, Rand, Faulkner, Hemingway, Shakespeare and Chaucer to name just a few. I did not know what I was looking for and did not even know when I found it. I finally dated a girl and experienced some heavy kissing and petting (hey this was in the 60's) I befriended a high school teacher and for the first time I was able to find a name, until then I had this unknown passion. I came out to my parents, and they felt I needed to be cured, I had no reason to feel other wise, so I went along and allowed myself to think this was possible. I got married in 73 and had 2 babies, just as I thought I was supposed to do. I regret nothing, the marriage was difficult, but I was blessed with 2 perfect kids and I love them deeply. I divorced in 1995 and have been able to finally be comfortable with who I am.

New Day Under Construction

This blog will relate information about my life in the middle of Alzheimers Disease and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I am simply leading this life, I have no formal or informal training, I am a participating observer. I have made and will continue to make mistakes. I will make no treatment reccomendations, only relate what I have seen and how I act and react.