Mom And Alzheimers

Dad passed away in 2000 and Mom's partner of 50 years was suddenly gone. She was amazing, taking over the decisions on the farm and household, asking questions, seeking advise to make informed choices. Slowly it became apparent there were difficulties in remembering small things, we blamed the stress and her sense of loss. Shoot, Mom always lost things, forgot peoples names or any other of a growing list of concerns. We denied the problem.


I would usually call Mom each day, often the phone would ring busy. After repeated attempts, I would drive out to the farm to check on her. She would always be OK, she just forgot to hang up the phone. She would berate herself, saying, "what is wrong with me?" Increasingly, she got angry and hit herself in the head with her fist. I would calm her down, often with humor and she would relax. Each episode took something from her spirit, a loss of confidence, it added fear and increased her level of stress. We still looked away.


A serious car accident made it apparent we needed to look at possible medical problems. Mom simply drove through an intersection, saying she did not remember anything. We saw a neurologist and Mom was diagnosed with moderate to advanced Alzheimer's disease. My sisters and I went into research mode, conferencing the Alzheimer's Association, asking the tough questions of doctors and professionals and then putting plans into effect to protect Mom from her environment and herself. Every visit, every appointment included Mom in the process. She did not always remember what we were doing, but we did not hide a conversation or decision.

Alzheimer is a cruel disease, there is no cure, and very little medical help to forestall the impending disaster. Alzheimer is a silent killer, slowly robbing the ability to think, and communicate. Every day with recognition and minimal confusion is a very good day indeed.

Background: Who we are...our challanges

I am a 60 year old Lesbian professional sales rep right here in River City. I married Suzie in July 2000. Suzie was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in 2002, she has 20 some individual parts. She also also deals with sleep apnea, narcolepsy, migraines, pseudo tumor cerebri (a different kind of headache), disabling hip arthritis, post traumatic stress disorder, medical induced high blood pressure and diabetes.

Dad passed in 2000 and shortly after Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. She also deals with crippling rheumatoid arthritis in her hands and feet, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and heart arrhythmia. Since 2000 she has been hospitalized three times. Once for arrhythmia for which she received a pace maker Once for breast lump removal, benign, yea! The last time for internal bleeding caused by uncontrolled blood thinner medication. She bumped her arm and it became swollen and turned black from fingers to her neck. Mom is now 84 and living in a long term care facility. Right now she can take care of herself and has an apartment.

Me, I'm 60 this last December, and work for an insurance company. I realized I was different as early as grade school, but could not define it. I started reading everything I could get my hands on looking for someone who felt the same way. I read Buck, Rand, Faulkner, Hemingway, Shakespeare and Chaucer to name just a few. I did not know what I was looking for and did not even know when I found it. I finally dated a girl and experienced some heavy kissing and petting (hey this was in the 60's) I befriended a high school teacher and for the first time I was able to find a name, until then I had this unknown passion. I came out to my parents, and they felt I needed to be cured, I had no reason to feel other wise, so I went along and allowed myself to think this was possible. I got married in 73 and had 2 babies, just as I thought I was supposed to do. I regret nothing, the marriage was difficult, but I was blessed with 2 perfect kids and I love them deeply. I divorced in 1995 and have been able to finally be comfortable with who I am.