Suzie's Abuse:Father, Mother and Predators

A child abused over an extended period of time experiences disassociation as an automatic response to new abuse or triggers. This allows the child to survive the abuse and also to function under "normal" everyday circumstances. As abuse continues the child constantly shifts between alters and her host personality. Clap on. Clap off.

Susie's abuse was initiated by John and compounded by a complacent mother. Suzie's mother ignored unusually severe diaper rashes, and cries when Suzie was held by the father. This mother told me Suzie cried a lot as an infant and never wanted to be held by, or go anywhere with John. This astounding statement from the woman who finally divorced John when confronted with overwhelming evidence of abuse! Suzie was even hospitalized as a young child for a severe urinary infection. Sadly, doctor awareness of abuse was not as prevalent in the 70's and a case of bubble bath allergy was diagnosed.

EVERYTIME there was a thunder/lightening storm John would take Suzie into the bedroom or basement alone to sooth her fears, fears generated by him. He put her to bed, which was part of the abuse routine. Through Libby, a Part, I learned this memory: "One of the littles told me, Suzie was about 2 or 3 and was naked on the couch after her bath. She was touching herself. Both the parents are in the living room looking at her telling her to stop. She has her legs apart and just started looking down there like there was something wrong. Then she was laughing and John was getting mad. Donna kept saying why is she doing that? John said just ignore her, she is not doing anything. Then John put her to bed."

Suzie did everything she could to stay away from her father to avoid the abuse. All the while the mother looks the other way. A recent memory revealed Suzie was bathed by the mother who stated over and over "you are a dirty girl" and vigorously washing her vagina. Mother purchased a baby doll nightie and although Suzie fought, begged and pleaded, mother made her put it on and parade down to the basement to show Daddy. Daddy liked it.

As I am working on this blog Suzie disassociates and Libby presents herself. She announces, I am Libby and I want them (the readers) to know we don't wear costumes. Those Hollywood types don't know, we don't change our clothes all the time. I asked if she ever has Suzie wear her favorites and admitted there are jeans with holes she likes. Libby had seen the United States of Tara and wanted to let it be known Parts don't always change clothes.

Suzie's therapist recently mentioned the unfortunate ability of the predator to recognize DID victims. The predators presence literally pushes the victim into a disassociate state. So, I asked Libby to explain.

Libby is age 13 and a bit angry. She recently came to the dome, she is in a dim, warm and quiet place away from everyone. She explains the predator phenomena: "The predator gives me a "creepy" feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling like you have been there before. You can't move, he sees a glaze or a mask on me. Then you just follow and things just happen. Because you know what is going to happen next. It is the same crap that has always happened. So you just follow. It is the same thing of taking your clothes off and spreading your legs and letting him take over you. You wait for the junk to be done. You wait for him to go away. You can't fight it, the dark is too strong and the voice is too strong. The voice tells you to take it so you take it. Like you just lie down in submission because you deserve it, so you do.

Me: why do you deserve it?

Libby: you just do.

Me: I don't understand that Libby, can you help me?

Libby: I deserve the pain and the suffering, because of the pain I caused.

Me: What pain did you cause baby?

Libby: It does not matter.

Me: What could a 13 year old girl do to deserve this kind of pain?

Libby: I am not good to my sisters and I do not take care of them very well. I hit my sister with paddles when she does not listen. Now she listens to me sometimes. I am just trying to keep her safe, no one understands that. If she gets in trouble she will not be safe. They all think I am a bitch anyway.

This is the first time I have had this type of conversation with a Part. Libby has related a memory from the littles as well as sharing personal information. The shared memories between Libby and the littles are a form of integration, which is a step towards a healthier life. Libby is in the dome, something new. Coming in to the dome from the dark puts Libby in a safe place away from further abuse.

Suzie Q's coping characteristic is the precocious 5 year old no one would want to abuse. Libby is the 13 year old angry bitch no one would want to abuse. Neither girl had a chance.