DID and Me

Dissociative Identity Disorder occurs when a traumatic event is too great to understand and endure. A split happens. Disassociation allows the mind to separate memories from normal consciousness. These memories are not erased, they are retained by a Part and may resurface at a later time. The Part's job is to protect the System from the memory, and in Suzie's case to punish her for letting the event occur.

Suzie started to see a therapist several years ago for anxiety due to constant voices and chatter she was experiencing. One night she told me she was diagnosed with DID and shortly after I met Suzie Q. Q is a precocious 4 to 6 year old. When Q presented, Suzie's face would become animated, and her voice changed to that of a young child. At first Q was tentative and shy, over the years she has become if possible more animated and precocious! Q is a helper for the System, providing a virtual who's who and helping bring parts in from the Dark. She is brave and wise beyond her years. Q gives Suzie a sense of child like wonder and wit.

The goal of therapy is to bring the Parts in from the Dark, to relate their memory and move into a safe place. Ultimately the goal is to unite all the Parts together, each Part has an important characteristic Susie needs to make her whole. Suzie's safe place is called the Dome and Q was the first to move in. The Dome has everything to entertain young children. Q has a magic drawing room, where anything she draws becomes real. She created a roller coaster, a swimming pool, horses, hot air balloons and an Unicorn. The activity Q loves the best is flying. She just closes her eyes and flies. I asked if she has ever hit anything and she said, no, not yet, but the birdies say WOW, watch out for that flying Suzie Q!

A conversation with Parts has become an everyday event of my life. We communicate to help Suzie or they tell me how wrong I am about something I have said or done. I am a threat to Parts in the Dark, they watch me closely to make sure I do not hurt Suzie, they also expect me to leave. In order to protect Suzie, they try to push me away. The kid Parts have the same logic as their memory/split age and they never mature. It is always important to learn the age of the Part to know how to interact. Everyday is a new day...

Background: Who we are...our challanges

I am a 60 year old Lesbian professional sales rep right here in River City. I married Suzie in July 2000. Suzie was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in 2002, she has 20 some individual parts. She also also deals with sleep apnea, narcolepsy, migraines, pseudo tumor cerebri (a different kind of headache), disabling hip arthritis, post traumatic stress disorder, medical induced high blood pressure and diabetes.

Dad passed in 2000 and shortly after Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. She also deals with crippling rheumatoid arthritis in her hands and feet, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and heart arrhythmia. Since 2000 she has been hospitalized three times. Once for arrhythmia for which she received a pace maker Once for breast lump removal, benign, yea! The last time for internal bleeding caused by uncontrolled blood thinner medication. She bumped her arm and it became swollen and turned black from fingers to her neck. Mom is now 84 and living in a long term care facility. Right now she can take care of herself and has an apartment.

Me, I'm 60 this last December, and work for an insurance company. I realized I was different as early as grade school, but could not define it. I started reading everything I could get my hands on looking for someone who felt the same way. I read Buck, Rand, Faulkner, Hemingway, Shakespeare and Chaucer to name just a few. I did not know what I was looking for and did not even know when I found it. I finally dated a girl and experienced some heavy kissing and petting (hey this was in the 60's) I befriended a high school teacher and for the first time I was able to find a name, until then I had this unknown passion. I came out to my parents, and they felt I needed to be cured, I had no reason to feel other wise, so I went along and allowed myself to think this was possible. I got married in 73 and had 2 babies, just as I thought I was supposed to do. I regret nothing, the marriage was difficult, but I was blessed with 2 perfect kids and I love them deeply. I divorced in 1995 and have been able to finally be comfortable with who I am.

New Day Under Construction

This blog will relate information about my life in the middle of Alzheimers Disease and Dissociative Identity Disorder.

I am simply leading this life, I have no formal or informal training, I am a participating observer. I have made and will continue to make mistakes. I will make no treatment reccomendations, only relate what I have seen and how I act and react.